apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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