OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
