Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
