you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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