He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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