dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
