Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
