Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
