you lied. pity sex is amazing.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
