i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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