Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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