i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she was so not down for the gang bang
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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