The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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