it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
