this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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