I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
