You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
