I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
