Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
