he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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