Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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