I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
