Got a toothbrush?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
