God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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