Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
