Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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