your parents love me but you hate me
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
