you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
