I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize