I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
