what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize