never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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