I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
