I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
