I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
where am i from again
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Randomize
