Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
