508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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