So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
