My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My bed smells like the plague
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
