I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
