so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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