I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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