She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
