whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
