The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize