Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
