How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
