the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There r osticjed everywhere
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize
