and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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