When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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