her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
