I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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