Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
