k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
