Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
