yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
