He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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