She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize
