i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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