God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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