That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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