Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
