Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize