M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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