just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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