his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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