This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
