Nicole vs. Life
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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