Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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