Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
