Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize