I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
