dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
its liver damage thursday
Randomize