dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
