My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I will pee on everything he values.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
